When I was a graduate student, I noticed something that I thought was odd. People my age were not dating. They would hang out with large groups, only pairing off occasionally for a brief fling. I eventually learned that most of these people had been in and out of "steady" relationships since junior high or earlier, and they were tired of the drama. That just seemed sad to me.
In "For the Strength of Youth," teens are counselled to not steady date, and group dates are particularly encouraged. I'm not a fan of steady dating for teens. The quasi-exclusive couple relationship can limit social growth and lead to the dating apathy that I saw at school by the time they are of an age to be courting. While this is great advice for straight teens, I also think this is great advice for young gay Mormons. When they turn 16 and are old enough to date, group dating can be really fun, without the awkward pairing off with the opposite gender (uncomfortable) or same gender (maybe problematic). Also, choosing good friends for group dates can really be a great support system.
It's good to have more broad social experience before it's time to think about courting for a spouse. Then let the steady dating begin. It won't be old, and the relationships are much more likely to be meaningful than steady dating as a teen.
I so agree with you. What surprises me most is all the parents that seems to think that it's ok for their kuds to go steady when 16 or even younger. Are thry so naive or do they just don't want to take the fight?
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling that most parents don't really see the larger picture. In our culture these steady dating things have developed into what I once heard someone call "quasi-marital relationships." Each partner has an ownership claim on the other, but there is no covenant relationship. Statements like "Stay away from MY girl" show the ownership assumption. Concepts like two-timing or cheating on a boyfriend/girlfriend show the false marriage idea. I don't think it's healthy for 16-year-olds (or younger), but it is such an accepted part of our culture, that parents don't recognize it for what it is.
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