Chastity

I know some people feel that the law of chastity is a form of bondage.  But for those who think that the church should abandon it, don't hold your breath.  It's not going to happen.  That's as much a part of religion as "Thou shalt not steal."

When it comes to confirmed doctrine, chastity is right up there near the top.  However, there is not much doctrinally about homosexuality.  It shows up a couple of times in the Bible, but only in context with things that aren't doctrinal.  It doesn't show up in the Book of Mormon or other canonical scripture at all.

Is it possible that gay marriage and the modern model of homosexuality could be compatible with the law of chastity?  Culturally, our model of homosexuality is deeply entwined with the "free love" movement that came to prominence in the 60s and 70s.  That is rather antithetical to the law of chastity.  So until our current cultural iteration of homosexuality and free love are disentangled, it probably can't be reconciled with chastity, and hence the church can't embrace it.

Maybe things will change in the future.  But in order for change to happen in the church, I think that the cultural basis for our current sociological structure of homosexuality will need to be upended.  I'm not sure such a change would be popular or generally accepted.  But that's also a staple of religion in the past.

Staying in the Closet

I am firmly in the closet.  It's not a particularly great place to be, but I'm entrenched.  And I have to ask myself why I stay here.

Human beings have incredible imaginations.  It's what really separates us from any other living thing.  I can imagine any number of things that might go wrong with coming out.  However, I need to try to be realistic.  Here are some of the reasons that I often discuss with myself.

I'm not a young millennial, so my peers are not of the generation that is predominately accepting of less common orientations.  However, I'm not a baby boomer either.  I suspect that many of my peers would be fine with knowing my orientation.

My family (the family I grew up in) would have a hard time with it.  Now let me be clear.  I grew up in a loving and healthy family, and I have no doubt that they would love me just as much as ever if they knew my orientation, but I don't have faith that they would be truly understanding.  It's hard enough, sometimes, to deal with typical family drama, and I don't feel like adding that much to the mix.

I live in an extremely conservative community and my coming out could have implications for my children who also live in this community.  This is still a place where leaders claim that "boys will be boys" to excuse small bouts of bullying in scouting and church activities.  I don't want to add any reason for bullies to target my kids.

I'm really quite worried about how others will react.  I worry that people will recontextualize everything I've done in the past in a new way.  People will identify any weird quirk I have with my orientation, rather than it just being me.  I'm a youth leader and teacher in my ward, and I worry parents will wonder what negative effects I must have had on their children.  People will complain to the Bishop that it's immoral to let me keep my callings. 

Interestingly, I work in the Temple, and I have no concerns that I would be rejected there.  My orientation has nothing to do with the work that goes on there, and coming out of the closet would not likely change much there.

On the other hand, my employer is run by a very conservative organization, and I could face real consequences to my employment upon coming out.  Officially, there should be no problem, but my workplace is run by people, and people can allow biases to negatively affect others despite official rules that supposedly provide protection.

I also fear the reaction of the LGBTQ+ community.  I'm married to someone of the opposite gender, despite my orientation, and many in that community feel as endangered by my choices as conservatives feel their families are endangered by gay marriage.  I don't want to have to put up with the constant pressure of justifying my marriage to people who will insist that it's wrong.

There are problems with staying in the closet, of course.  For example, I have a hard time speaking up when people in church make off-hand derisive remarks about homosexuality.  I don't always succeed at curtailing it (although I often try).  It would be easier to insist people stop that if I were out of the closet.

I worry that I can't be of help to others who may be in the closet if I myself am also there.  I don't really know of anybody in the closet like me.  It's lonely for me and I'm sure it's lonely for others.

I think it would be good for others in my ward, work, and social communities to have a colleague or friend who publicly has a different orientation.  I want to foster more communication and compassion from all parties.

But I don't think I'm ready to face the burdens and problems that I foresee.  So, at least for now, I'll stay firmly in the closet.