If there was a strong testimony, sometimes it is actively fought, commonly involving lashing out against the church; or the testimony can become the subject of a new self suppression, creating its own form of guilt and bottled up emotions. So, in an ironic twist, the fear that one's orientation is incompatible with the church can create the very pattern that was feared.
I know that while this is somewhat common, not everyone follows this same path. There are many examples of people who have not fallen into this pattern. Orientation need not keep anyone from serving a mission or staying temple worthy. (It's even possible to get married in the temple. However, I would warn that getting married in the temple will not change someone's orientation. Nobody should get married unless they love their spouse and plan to work to make the marriage successful.) What of those who fall into that pattern, though? What can be done? I don't think I have the answer to that one.
I do hope that the old view that some orientations are incompatible with Mormonism will change so that we can stop the process before it begins. The fear of losing a beloved and important part of one's self (like a testimony) due to circumstances beyond control (like orientation) is very real to a lot of youth. Family members and ward members need to be careful not to spread this fear, but to defuse it. How? I'm not sure yet. Maybe we could all brainstorm about this. Because something needs to be done.
Who was it that originally put out the view that some orientations are incompatible with Mormonism? Was it the Mormon Church? Who originally put all of this shame in these Mormon gay young men? And if so, why is that never discussed?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that your question has an answer, because it is asking for an individual at fault. Also, the idea of putting shame into people is not necessarily a good metaphor. Gay culture has changed substantially over the years, as has the culture surrounding Mormonism. It used to be that the primarily visible part of gay culture was all about finding a partner with whom to have an affair. That was definitely incompatible with Mormon doctrine. However, that has changed, but the stigma of it still lingers in the minds of many. Misconceptions, then, are all too often the basis for people's judgment. So asking who to blame is not as helpful as asking how to go forward. I think trying to find someone at which we can point the finger of blame will either lead to nobody, or a scapegoat, which is worse. And in the end, it won't solve any problems. We need to think forward, sharing real stories, dispelling misconceptions as we go.
Delete