I recall many years ago I attended a youth conference where the speaker talked about the proper ways to show affection. He had ten steps, starting out with "notice the difference." He claimed that his four-year-old could probably identify who was male and who was female with very few mistakes, but that was not what he was talking about. Really notice. Looking back, I didn't really get it. I kind of knew, intellectually, but since I never was attracted to girls, it never really sank in that the way I felt toward boys was what he was talking about. It was a bit of bazaar dissonance that I knew very clearly that I was attracted to boys, yet didn't connect the feelings I experienced with the feeling that the speaker was talking about.
I get that a lot through my life. I was super interested in sciences like biology as a kid, but I was a little dense when it came to reproduction. I knew the biological concept of gametes, but I knew literally nothing of sex. When my father talked to me about the birds and bees (I think I was eleven) I was shocked. How could I have not known something like that? It really hasn't changed much for me. I usually fail to notice romantic undertones, even overt ones. I recall my father telling me when girls were flirting with me. I really hadn't noticed. I have gone out to movies with my wife, and she expressed her disappointment in the inferred sex in the film, and I was like "what sex?" I really don't notice.
Maybe if there were male-male romances in films, I might notice. But I'm not sure, even then. The only guys I recognize in films as homosexual are such blatant gay stereotypes, I don't identify with them at all. I think I'm just a bit obtuse when it comes to some of these romantic social games.
I guess I'm just not really good at noticing the difference.
No comments:
Post a Comment