Mixed Orientation Dating

Why do people seem to think it is wrong for a gay guy to date girls?  Are we really so utterly ashamed of homosexual orientations that we have to socially keep these lepers away from everyone else but their own kind?  Why do so many people feel that a gay guy dating a straight girl is some kind of dishonest travesty?  Why should we socially pressure gay guys to date other guys?  Why do those who are publicly in mixed orientation marriages get anonymous hate mail?

When it comes to dating, I think the Church has some very good advice.  Youth are encouraged to group date starting at 16 or older.  I don't see how this really should be different for gay oriented youth.  Enjoy your peers' company and learn and grow socially.  I don't think it would be wrong to ask a girl out (on a group date) as a friend.  Just enjoy other's company.  The church also discourages teenagers from steady dating.  Just make friends and have a fun time.  That's what dating should be about for teenagers, and it's the same advice regardless of orientation.  There's a growing body of evidence that earlier serious dating leads to more social problems.  Teens shouldn't be pairing off and exclusively dating only one individual.  It's much healthier to date a variety of people in groups.

When I look back at my teen years, I participated in group dates where it was just a bunch of kids of both genders with nobody pairing up.  These activities were some of the most fun and memorable activities of my life to that point.  When I started college I dated a large number of different girls, and had a lot of fun.  When I returned from my mission, I planned to do the same, but I met this girl, and plans changed.  She was unlike anyone else, male or female, that I'd ever met.

I don't think that dating girls had anything to do with finding my spouse.  We didn't meet by dating.  We met in other ways.  But I love being social, and dating was a very acceptable venue to be social with those of the opposite gender.  So I dated for this purpose.  If a girl was after a romantic relationship, I would be scared.  I was only attracted to guys.  But I don't think dating girls was a betrayal of who I was.  Rather, it was social exercise and development.  All young people need some kind of social exercise and development.

So if you are a teenage boy with a gay orientation, that does not mean that you have to avoid dating girls.  There's nothing wrong with dating girls.  It's good to exercise those social skills.  But if you don't feel comfortable dating girls, that's fine too.  You don't have to.