One Hundred

This is my one hundredth post here on this blog.  It has been a fascinating experience, as I don't really consider myself a writer.  For those who haven't perused all the past ninety-nine posts, I thought re-introducing myself and summarizing my story would be valuable.



I was raised by caring parents as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Very early on in life I gained a strong testimony of the Gospel.  I was also very thoughtful and curious, and questioned much of what I knew.  As I reached early puberty, I found myself exclusively attracted to boys, and not to girls as my friends were.  I kept these feelings secret from everyone, except myself.  I was way too self aware to hide it from myself.  I had crushes on guys, dreamed about guys, had a hard time not thinking about guys, all while going to church, doing well in seminary, going to college, going on a mission, etc.

My testimony still continued to grow and strengthen during this time.  Even as a very young teenager, I was a natural skeptic and debated internally about myself and the Gospel.  I was blessed with some very powerful experiences that helped me understand the love my Father in Heaven has for me, and the truthfulness of the Gospel.  None of this, of course, changed my orientation.

I did date a lot, but it was all just hanging out with friends, from my point of view.  I enjoyed being with other people, and preferred group dates where we were not partnered up (I guess that way I did get to date guys).  But I also did the traditional thing and asked girls to movies or to dances.  Imagine my surprise when, after my mission, I started to become attracted to a girl.  I didn't know what to do.  I think my reactions to our relationship confused her a bit until I came out to her.  She was patient with me as our relationship grew, and we eventually married in the temple.  We now have a good number of children and have a wonderful life (still filled with trouble and mishaps, of course, but wonderful, none the less).

That's my life in a nutshell.  There are very few people who I have ever told about my orientation.  I might be considered "in the closet" but I'm not sure that it means the same thing to me as it would to others.  I love my wife, and I love my life.  I'm naturally an optimist, and I like to think the best of people.  I'm also a skeptic and have to research things before I accept anything new.  But if the evidence is there, I'm usually good at changing my views to accept new ideas.

As far as nomenclature, I will sometimes refer to myself as gay, homosexual, or (rarely) same sex/gender attracted.  But I usually like to use those terms only to refer to my orientation, rather than myself.  My eyes are blue, but I'm not.  My orientation is gay, but I'm not.  They are just a couple of the many aspects of my whole being.