Friday, June 7, 2013
Hormones
You know, one thing that I've thought about a lot is the idea of how much of our sexual drive and our needs for intimacy are driven by hormones. It really seems that those chemicals in our blood manage an awful lot of our emotional reactions and needs. I also feel that, at least for me, my hormones are not actually part of my orientation. My orientation may determine the gender to which my attractions lean, but the nature of those attractions seem to be similar to other guys. For example, there's research that shows guys tend to be more attracted to smiling girls while girls tend to be attracted to solemn looking guys. I'm attracted to smiling guys. Brooding looks do very little for me. So I'm behaving like a typical guy, except for the gender, of course. These traits are only true statistically, and of course, vary from person to person. Still, I tend to be fairly typical in most respects, except for my orientation.
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That seems very important to you - that you are just like other guys.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are. Except for the fact that you would like to have sex with other men and be in relationships with other men. Barring that, at least cuddling with other men. Maybe a hug now and then.
But being gay is your very beingness, no matter how much you may try to have it be less or be not important, it is your very being. Can you rejoice in that?
That's fascinating. I hadn't realized how much it seems that being similar to other guys is so much in the forefront to me. In reality, I tend to think that I'm very different from others, and have had to work hard to break some bad habits of thinking of myself as better than, or more capable than others. The idea that I may be largely like other guys was really discouraging to me at first, as my nature is to want to stand out and be special, be different, avoid being one of the crowd.
DeleteAs for relationships with guys, I have always had relationships with guys. They just haven't been romantic. I tend to make friends very quickly, and have many friends, but not many close confidants. I was not a very "touchy" person as a kid and did not like physical contact very much. That's something that I've had to work on and learn later in life.
Anyway, about unfulfilled desires, well, that's part of life. I have a big sweet tooth, and really desire cookies, ice cream, etc. When I was a teenager, I'd eat a pint of ice cream a night, at least most nights, not to mention fried foods, bread and gravy, and sugary cereal for snacks between meals. I've had to learn to allow myself to leave my passion for consuming food unfulfilled. Otherwise I would be very unhealthy. Life is full of such choices. Do I rejoice that I can't just eat to my heart's content? That's a silly question. Rather, I rejoice that I'm still in good health, and that I have the self control to avoid over-eating (well, most of the time). However, due to my indulgences in youth, I'm not as healthy now as I could have been, and my passion for food really hasn't waned. It would have been better if I had kept a better eating lifestyle when I was younger and developed better habits.
Yes, my gay orientation is definitely a part of my being, but that doesn't have to dominate my life choices. I have friends who are ultra-competitive. If they let that aspect of their beings dominate their life choices, that would hurt most other areas of their lives. They bridle those passions and live much happier lives. I do the same.