Guy Friends

Lately, I've heard a lot about guy friends -- healthy non-sexual close friendships among guys.  I can say that I always had some guy friends while growing up.  While I wasn't exactly an ordinary kid, I was very socially active and had a lot of friends.  The irony is that I didn't think I did.  I thought of myself as a loner nerd who many of the cool kids didn't like, but that wasn't true at all.  I was just trying to live up to a stereotype I had for myself.  I recall in 4th grade I was paired up at a table with one of the kids I thought of as too cool for me.  The teacher was like "Oh, no -- not you two together."  I responded that we would be fine, thinking he was too cool to talk to me anyway.  But we got in trouble for chatting and joking around.  I think that was true for most of my young life.  I had a college roommate say that despite my nerdly interests, I certainly didn't look or act like a nerd.  I was just way too personable and social.

Speaking of that roommate, he was one of the best friends I'd ever had.  We were roommates shortly after our missions, and we just fit together.  We had tons of the same interests and after a month or two we were communicating in one word thoughts and completing each other's sentences.  And the best thing was that there was no sexual tension.  I loved this guy purely as a friend.  It was such a wonderful time for me.  I think it's important that people get to have friends like that. 

I've found that it's harder to cultivate friendships like that after you are married.  I think that might be one of the things many men in mixed orientation marriages need in order to cope.  To have someone who you know you can turn to is important.  That's one of the things that the church structure, as silly as it seems, sometimes, is actually pretty good at doing -- providing a structure in which healthy friendships can be developed.  A vast majority of my best friends, since I've been married, are people I've known through church.  I've either served them in some capacity, or they've served me, or both.  That's how true friendships are born.  If the church is working properly, the members should be growing together, knit as one.  And the Savior said, "If ye are not one, ye are not Mine." 

I can't think of a better organization, with its structure all designed to get people to serve one another, than the church for lending support to its gay members.  It's too bad it doesn't work perfectly yet.  But if we continue faithfully, and continue to serve one another, putting the Savior and His teachings first in our lives, great things are bound to happen.