Crushing

Ever since I entered puberty at around 12, I have been only attracted to guys.  I recognized this about myself almost immediately, but it really hit home a year later when I had my first crush.  In retrospect, it was probably pretty mild, but at the time it felt all-consuming.  He was another LDS kid at my Jr. High and I just couldn't get him out of my mind.  I didn't know what to do about it, so I tried to just act natural.  I got to know him a little better over time, and that, more than anything, helped to assuage the crush.

I wonder if this happens to everyone.  I tended to develop crushes on people who are the least likely to be gay, and who I don't know well.  When I do get to know people, the crush tends to subside.  And to a man, every guy I ever had a crush on back then went on to get married to a woman and have children.  My faith in so called "gaydar" has never been high.  I have no idea if this is normal or if it is peculiar to me.  If someone is more than a mere acquaintance, I don't get a crush on them.  I don't mean that I don't find my close guy friends to be attractive, rather the opposite is true.  But I don't get that weak-in-the-knees knock-you-down feeling of a crush on those I know well.

This was really good when I was a missionary.  I never had a crush on a companion, and I think that the fact that I tend to get crushes only on those who I don't know very well played a big part of that.  The other thing was that the more someone acted effeminate, the less I found them attractive.  This is probably why my gaydar was so poor.  I didn't appreciate the social cues that indicated that someone was gay.  In general I've always been a terrible judge of social cues and non-verbal communication.  I just don't notice them most of the time.  I've always been a very social person and I make friends easily, but I think I'm viewed as rather naive or awkward some of the time because of my lack of observation skills.

I've never really thought about how other people get crushes.  Do most people have similar experiences, or are my crushes a little out of the ordinary?  It's an interesting thought.