Gratitude

I have so many blessings to be grateful for.  There is no way I could possibly list them all.  In particular, though, I am very grateful for my family.  I grew up in a house where I knew I would be loved no matter what.  I never came out to my family, but I have no doubt that they would not have loved me less.  It was just less complicated to stay in the closet.

I am thankful for my family now.  I have always been supported by my wife and children, and have always been out to my wife.  She is an amazing and wonderful woman, the only woman I have ever been in love with.

I am thankful for my home, my job, the schools my children attend, the country in which I live that affords so many freedoms,

Have a terrific thanksgiving, everyone.

Maturing

I recall being a primary aged youth and interacting with other children.  I had lots of friends of both genders.  In retrospect, I was more sensitive and aware of the boys, but I didn't really pay it much mind, as I wasn't very mature at that age.  I didn't really pay attention to my own attractions until later.  When I was 12, things completely changed and I started to get super interested in guys.

I knew I was supposed to be interested in girls.  Somehow, I wasn't.  I had lots of friends, and many of them were girls.  I just didn't have romantic attractions that direction.  I recall trying to be attracted to girls.  It just didn't work.  Rather, it felt ... I don't know ... icky somehow.  I suppose it's the way most guys would feel if they tried to force themselves to be attracted to a guy.

I've always been curious as to how straight guys develop and what similarities and differences there are.  But I've never been able to ask anyone.

A Bad Argument

I recently read an article that I enjoyed.  For the most part, I agreed with the author.  But one thing bothered me.  A gay young adult told a friend he wanted to get married because he wanted a full life, wanted children.  The friend replied, "What about the woman?"  So with that thought, he eventually decided that his desires were not fair to the women he might date.  I will agree that this argument is great support for being honest with those you court.  It would be totally unfair for a gay guy to hide his orientation from girls he courts.  However, I don't like the way the argument has been used in general.  Every insecure person who doubts their own worth could use this argument to avoid dating.  How about a guy who cannot have kids.  Is it wrong for him to date?  I mean, what about the girl?  Is it fair to get married to someone when you can't offer the possibility of children to your wife?

I'm not saying that it's okay for a person to marry someone to whom they are not attracted.  Rather, I'm saying that the argument given is not a good one.  Basically, since someone is gay, should he give up any dreams of having a family, because it's not fair to the girl, is a terrible argument?  Replace "gay" with "ugly" or "disabled" and the same argument shows its wrong headed nature.

Rather, when a guy doesn't really love the girl, feels trapped into the marriage by their culture, but is constantly wishing his life was different, well, that can lead to marital problems and often divorce.  It shouldn't happen, but it does.  And the guy doesn't even have to be gay.  Saying "no" to such a marriage is completely defensible.  But please use a reasonable argument.

Along Came a Woman

I think I've mentioned before that I never expected to get married so soon after my mission.  I was prepared for a longish single life.  But along came a woman who was everything I needed, and I was exactly what she needed.  We fit together and the rest is history.

Early on in our marriage, my wife mentioned that if something should happen to her and I ended up a widower, she wanted me to remarry so our kids would have a mother figure in the home.  I understood he desire.  I also know that I'm not the most organized person and would not make a great single parent.

But in the back of my mind I wondered if lightning could strike twice.  I don't think I've ever come across any other woman with whom I could form a marriage.  Firstly, being gay, I don't typically become attracted to women.  But I also have other personality quirks that would give other women a hard time.  I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with.

It's very difficult for me to even imagine that another woman would come along.  I don't feel like there is another compatible soul out there.  I already married the most amazing woman.  I'm glad after all these years my wife has remained healthy and strong, and I don't have to be single again.