Unusual Kid part 3

When I was a kid, I loved school.  From what I've heard from friends and others around me, I was really unusual in this regard.  I adored learning new things.  I loved reading, music, art, science, history, even P.E. (despite being rather poor at many sports).  I even eventually learned to love math (having hated how boring it was in early grade school). 

It's interesting to see how my academic view of myself shaped the decisions I made.  I particularly liked science, and thought of myself as a future scientist.  So I figured I must be poor at English.  I supposed I couldn't write well.  I let the stereotype of myself define my actions.  I would think to myself "I'm just left-brained," and not try hard at those classes that I figured I must be bad at, being a science nerd.

However, when it came to my orientation, I consciously defied the stereotype.  I don't mean that I tried to be all manly, or anything like that.  Rather, I refused to let my choices be determined by what the world expected of a kid who was gay.  I admit that a little of this did come from fear of what I would lose if my orientation was known.  But a lot of it was just plain obstinance and refusal to be like what I perceived the world expected.  I also refused to give up what I loved just because it might be thought of as gay.  I wanted to be different, unique, my own person, and didn't want society to dictate my choices or self image.

So why didn't I reject my academic stereotype?  I did, eventually.  But I was a junior in college before it happened.  I don't know why I didn't do it earlier.  I wonder if it was because I had such a desire to be a science nerd that I wanted to prove to the world that I fit the role.  That doesn't really sound like me, though.  It's a mystery to me to this day.