1. Marriage doesn't complete you.
This is battling the myth that Hollywood portrays about marriage. Marriage is not a union of two half people who need to be together to be whole. It's a partnership of whole people. If one partner's orientation is gay, this is still good advice. In fact, this is one of the main reasons why getting married to "cure the gay" doesn't work. So don't expect marriage to fundamentally change who you are.
2. You won't always feel attracted to your partner.
The problem with this fact is that many in mixed orientation marriages will blame this on orientation, despite the fact that it is a perfectly normal in all marriages. How often have I heard "I thought we could make it work because I sometimes thought I felt attracted, but I couldn't keep it up all the time; it was because I am gay." There's an expectation of more in a marriage than any marriages have.
3. You won't always like your partner.
It's sometimes easier to like your friends, who you aren't around all day and night than it is to like your partner, who you have to put up with all the time. That's a normal part of marriage and will not be different if one partner has a gay orientation.
4. Being in love is a stage of a relationship that doesn't last forever.
Infatuation only takes a marriage so far. If it's easy to fall in love, it's just as easy to fall out of love. It's just a stage, not a permanent situation. In fact, the article points out that "if you didn't have an infatuation stage, it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed! Some people have it and others don't, and there is absolutely no correlation between having an infatuation stage and the success of a marriage."
5. Love can grow with time and effort.
Basically, this says that in a heterosexual marriage, the love you start with is not all you have. Love is something that grows when you sacrifice your time and effort into helping it grow. This is true of everyone, regardless of orientation.
6. You don't have to feel love to give it.
Sometimes you have to show love for your spouse when you don't feel like doing so. This is some of the sacrifice that all married couples make. For a gay-oriented spouse, it's no different. It doesn't mean that your marriage is worse because of different orientations, but that your marriage is normal.
7. Sex is a sacred act of giving and receiving.
It's not just a fun fling, but a sacred part of the marriage relationship. In particular, the author says that healthy sex is not "something you use to gain approval, validation or security." This advice is especially true in a mixed orientation marriage, where the temptation to misconstrue sexuality is ever present.
8. Marriage is a crucible designed to help you grow.
Again, we have to avoid the temptation to say "except if you are gay, in which marriage problems are all due to orientation mismatch." This dual standard is not healthy. Marriage is the beginning of a great challenge, like climbing a mountain, that offers great rewards for those who put in the right kind of effort. And this is no different for those of a gay orientation.
9. Your first blueprint for intimate partnership informs how you approach your marriage.
Basically we learn from our parents. This is sometimes harder in a mixed orientation marriage because we didn't see our parents struggle with our own problems. But we can learn from seeing their success and failures. Examples of courtesy and love can be followed, and unfortunate cases of abuse and dysfunction can be recognized and carefully avoided.
10. Life with young children is stressful.
Adding another member to the family will complicate relationships. You have to somewhat prepare yourself for this upon expecting children, regardless of orientation. Be ready for strains on your relationship.
Overall, any marriage relationship is both a challenge and a blessing. But it takes work.
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