What Do You Mean by Homosexuality?

I think one of the big hindrances to having meaningful conversations about homosexuality in the church is the different definitions people are using.  It makes communication difficult.  Let's look at some of the definitions of homosexual and related terms.

The first sense of homosexual (or gay or lesbian) denotes an orientation, or predilection.  In this sense, homosexuality has likely been around for as long as there have been humans.  It's not something people choose -- very few of us get to choose our crushes, it just happens.  Under this definition, I'm definitely homosexual, or gay.

It could refer to a sexual relationship.  In this sense, the participants don't even have to be homosexual in the first sense; they just have to participate in the relationship.  Many members of the church use the term "gay lifestyle" to refer to this, which leads to serious problems in communication with those who use "gay" in the first sense.  Under this definition I am not homosexual.  But then under this definition I would be considered heterosexual, because I have a heterosexual relationship; yet that's not my orientation at all.

A third definition of homosexual is the social construct of an identity based on orientation.  In this sense, homosexuality is not something innate but rather our culture's way of framing the orientation. Many people have a hard time differentiating this from the first definition.  A good clarification can be found here.   Gay anthropologists don't find our concept of a gay identity more than 150 years ago.  There is solid evidence of gay orientations and homosexual relationships, but they don't look anything like our gay/straight dichotomy (and not even a Kinsey-scale-like continuum).  Please note that this does not mean there is no gay identity.  It simply means it's part of our cultural framework, not innate biologically.

I think an awful lot of confusion is sown by people conflating or mis-using the different definitions.  Culprits can be found on both sides of arguments, as people dogmatically argue their points without disclosing the definitions they are using or inquiring after the definitions of those to whom they talk.