Thursday, March 5, 2015

To Fully Love

I think people tend to be somewhat naive when they talk about fully loving someone, or loving someone in every way, or completely loving someone.  What they usually are referring to is to love someone because they are sexually attractive.  "Other kinds of love are nice and all, but for my love to be complete, they have to be an object of my sexual attraction."

When I talk about true love of a spouse, it's the kind that endures even if something happens that renders one spouse unattractive to the other; the kind of love that doesn't view the other as an object of affection, but as a person with whom to work on eternal relationships.  I don't need a spouse to love me in ALL ways, because that would imply if I was disfigured, sick, or aged poorly that my need would thereafter be unfulfilled.  I don't wan't a wholly-enamored-puppy-dog, but someone who willingly commits to working with me on developing an eternal family.

I truly love my wife.  It's true that I'm attracted to guys, but that doesn't change my love for my wife.  I have never seen her as an object of affection, but as a person with whom I work on an eternal relationship and family.

I have been told by some (who do not know me or my wife) that it is unfair to her for me to be married to her because of my orientation, and that they feel sorry for my wife because her husband doesn't lover her "in all ways" (as if that were even possible).  In turn, I feel sorry for those who value their own worth based on being the object of someone's infatuation, because someday that will fail and love will depend a choice of their partner to ignore the lack of attraction.

Maybe I view it as a product of our misogynistic society, or our over-sexualized culture, or something else.  I don't know.

Regardless of the reason, true love is not something that happens to you, it's a choice.  That's what I want in a spouse -- someone who chooses me and someone whom I choose.  True love.  And that's what I have found.

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