Dating

For as long as I can remember, the church has set clearly defined standards for dating.  Stake and school dances were for those 14 and older, and dating shouldn't begin until at least the age of 16.  Even then, it should be groups, not couples.  I was always kind of amused.  I was never going to get into trouble with a girl.  When I was 14, I had friends who encouraged me to come with them to the stake dances.  They were a lot of fun.  I've always been very social, and I enjoyed being with friends.  The dances were a great place to hang out with my friends.

First Kiss

I think when I was about 5 or 6 I kissed a girl, but I really didn't understand what it meant back then.  So that doesn't count.  When I was a freshman at BYU, before my mission, there was this girl that I dated some.  I knew it was customary to kiss and I felt like she expected me to.  So, one night I tried it.  The only think I felt was that it was wet and did not excite me at all.  I had no idea why people liked kissing so much.

Crushing

Ever since I entered puberty at around 12, I have been only attracted to guys.  I recognized this about myself almost immediately, but it really hit home a year later when I had my first crush.  In retrospect, it was probably pretty mild, but at the time it felt all-consuming.  He was another LDS kid at my Jr. High and I just couldn't get him out of my mind.  I didn't know what to do about it, so I tried to just act natural.  I got to know him a little better over time, and that, more than anything, helped to assuage the crush.

The Blame Game

I knew I was attracted to guys and not girls almost immediately upon entering puberty, so I was naturally interested in learning about that particular issue.  I searched my family's library and there was not much there.  What I did find tended to basically say that homosexuality was a condition with causes.  I looked through the causes and realized that I didn't really fit any of them.  How could this be?  I had a good relationship with my father and other boys.  I had never been abused in any way.  I had learned and was trying to live the commandments.  I wasn't perfect, by any means, but my problems were nothing like what was supposed to cause homosexuality.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  I have a lot of friends who are doing the daily thanks list, but I don't have the attention span to do that.  Today I just wanted to list a few of the very many things I'm thankful for.

A Rock and a Hard Place

Growing up as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) while at the same time being attracted to the same gender is a somewhat awkward situation.  From when I was very young, I was always a bit different from my peers.  The knees of my pants never got holes in them.  I preferred thoughtfulness and music to roughhousing and sports (although I did participate in sports a bit).  I also started to develop spiritually at a very young age, and had experiences which helped solidify my testimony even before I was baptized at age eight.

Required Disclaimer

It seems to be a required disclaimer that any gay guy married to a girl has to explain that it is only his own story, and that it is different from everyone elses story.  I think this serves a very important purpose, in that somebody else should not be judged by my experience and choices.  I wholeheartedly agree that nobody should have to measure up to some ideal that somebody else thinks I embody.  It's hurtful and divisive -- the opposite of Christlike love.

So, my disclaimer is that this is my story.  I do not want anybody else to use my story as a measuring stick for themselves or for anybody else.  In fact, I expressly forbid it. On the other hand, I hope there are those that can learn something from me, and that I can learn something from those who communicate with me. 

I plan on only approving appropriate comments, because I have seen so many other blogs host comments that contain ad hominem and straw man arguments.  (If you are unfamiliar with these terms, an ad hominem arguement is belittling somebody to argue against their position, and a straw man argument is when you oversimplify someone else's opinion so it is easier to lampoon.)  Anybody who avoids such arguments and uses respectful vocabulary is more likely to have thier comments approved.  I hate to have to approve comments, but I know it's easy for them to get out of hand.  I will not try to discriminate against comments with which I disagree; just show respect for others.

Introduction

Allow me to introduce myself.

I love listening to (and making) a variety of good music.  I am a college football fan.  I am an amateur astronomer, who's a bit out of practice.  I am a husband and father.  I am a lover of ice cream.  I am a professional teacher.  I am an avid reader.  I am blue eyed.  I enjoy swimming, biking, and hiking.  I am a calligrapher.  I am actively involved as a Mormon.  My ancestors mostly come from Sweden, with some from Great Britain.

Of the above characteristics, some of them are more a part of my identity than others.  The fact that I have blue eyes is not a big part of my identity, despite the high value I place on my eyes.  On the other hand, being a husband and father is an enormous part of my identity.

I am also gay oriented.  But, like my eyes being blue, I don't consider my orientation to be a large part of my identity.  My orientation is gay; I'm not.  However, the blogsphere has been alive lately with the thoughts of men and women who, like myself, are attracted to others of the same gender, yet are also active Mormons.  I feel it would be appropriate to write of my own experiences in that realm, in case anybody was interested.

So, to anybody who might possibly be reading, welcome to my blog.